i was feeling sleepy all day. i think it is because of the stress i'm undergoing since last week. i noticed myself having this improper breathing (like mitzi's). sometimes i find it hard to pull a breath. i hope i'm okay, i dont' want to see a doctor or something unless i feel really awful. it might just add up to my stress.

maybe, it's also because of the thoughts i've been playing in my mind every now and then. i won't mind if those thoughts are about crushes or things that bother a normal person, but my thoughts are about my subjects for my next fictions that i have to submit in certain classes. it's okay sana if i really have something to think about, but the problem is, i can't think of anything to write. how hard is thinking about nothing but you know you have to arrive with something? i've tried it and its damned hard. in moments like this i wonder if i really want to be a writer. but i always arrive in the thought that it's already late for me to backout. i have to finish this course and maybe, i can decide afterwards. i know believe with what the studies say :"WRITERS DIE TWENTY YEARS EARLIER THAN NORMAL PEOPLE." i think this applies to real writers. i mean real writers do not write to express themselves as what the they-think-they-are-writers do. if you're a real writer and you know what a true writer's intention is, you will find it hard to write, and you'll realize that writing is a sacred thing, not just an outlet for emotion.

yesterday, we went on a trip to UP diliman and ccp. we watched a play entitled "shadow of the reef" in diliman and also a couple of plays in ccp entitled "ars poetica" and "rite of passage". i enjoyed them all and now proved to myself that anton juan, jr. (the writer and director of shadows of the reef and a theater prof in diliman) is a genius. i also admired the child cast of the "shadows..". that child is one hell of an actor. he was able to deliver his dialogues well and execute his dance movements amazingly. i'm really sad with the rumors that anton juan is soon leaving the country to pursue full-time teaching in the university of notre dame. i mean, that's another loss of a talent for our country. the plays in ccp were also incredible. the stories are great.

i wanna pee.